Somewhere Along the Way
by turntoPaige394
Summary: They way they felt about each other was painfully obvious to every single person... except for them.
1. Hard Truths

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

 *****As you read this, please keep in mind that this is cannon Severus we are dealing with- NOT my often mushy version of him. This is the incredibly insecure man who is terrified of rejection and is rather emotionally damaged with little social skills or knowledge of relationships. He does not intend to hurt Hermione; that isn't the point. The entire point here is (as the POVs change) that they are both completely in love with each other, but they don't really know how to deal with it. Especially because, when it comes to Severus, sex and love are not mutually exclusive. For him, they just naturally go together.*****

* * *

" _My love, he makes me feel like nobody else, nobody else  
But my love, he doesn't love me, so I tell myself, I tell myself_

 _One: Don't pick up the phone  
You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone  
Two: Don't let him in  
You'll have to kick him out again  
Three: Don't be his friend  
You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning_

 _And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him_

 _I got new rules, I count 'em…"_

 _-Dua Lipa, "New Rules"_

x-x-x

"Hermione, seriously… you have to stop this."

She didn't answer, even though the words hit her like the Knight Bus. She knew all of this already; she didn't need her friend spouting it back at her and making her think about it some more. No, there would be plenty of time for hating herself later. Right now, she needed to find a good shade of lipstick. Hmm… yes- ruby red was always nice against her dark skin.

But Ginny would not be deterred by the silence so she tried another approach, "You deserve better than… whatever the hell this is."

Hermione simply shrugged as she dusted some shimmer on her eyelids and drew a sharp black line along her lash line, "Maybe. But I'm taking what I can get and not inclined to complain at the moment."

Ginny's brows knit together as she pushed herself to her elbows on the bed, eyeing her friend's reflection from the mirror, "Hermione Granger, you shouldn't just be a quick, convenient shag for _anyone_ , let alone someone drunk. You're not some Knockturn Alley whore who can be bought for a few galleons."

She paused, the mascara brush halfway to her eye. Her voice was smaller this time, "It really isn't like that."

"Oh?" Ginny asked airily. "Then why don't you tell me what it _is_ like?"

"He's…" Hermione felt the panic and the hurt clawing their way to the surface and she desperately tamped them down to keep them hidden deep where no one could see them. "I don't think he's ready for a relationship right now." Her voice was barely a whisper and she staunchly refused to meet the other girl's eyes.

"You don't _think_ or you don't _know_?"

She gave another guilty shrug. Gods damn it all, she really didn't want to talk about this now.

"Because of Harry's mum?"

"I mean… I don't think that's the only reason but it's probably part of it."

"Christ, Hermione!" She huffed in frustration. "You've shagged the man six times and you haven't even attempted to ask him about any of this? What the hell?"

"Ginny," Hermione said softly, "you cannot even begin to imagine how skittish he is about anything approaching 'emotional'. I swear to Merlin it would only take one sudden movement to scare him off like a deer. Can you see why I might have been a little reticent to bring it up?"

"Hermione," Ginny sighed, "if you think he doesn't want a relationship and he might still be hung on someone else- someone he has practically been obsessed with for over 20 years I might add- then why do you insist on sleeping with him every single time he gives you the opportunity? All of this just isn't like you."

She didn't want to hear this. She didn't want to know that other people saw it too. She didn't want to look so pathetic.

Hermione slumped against the vanity, fists clenching around the mascara tube.

Ginny's lovely green eyes widened, "Oh Gods. Don't tell me that you're… you dont..."

Her voice cracked, "I'm so fucked, Gin."

It was quiet for a moment before the redheaded witch spoke again, this time with harsh conviction. "No. Absolutely not."

Hermione looked up at her friend through the mirror.

"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself over that greasy git. I refuse. Not a chance in hell. No fucking way."

"It's too late for that now."

"It's never too late," Ginny said, moving to come help Hermione with her hair. "You just need to set some rules for yourself an eventually it will go away. But you have to actually _stick_ to them for it to work."

She frowned in confusion, "Rules? Like what?"

Her friend was thoughtful for a moment as she twirled her wand around Hermione's curls, "One: don't answer his Floo calls or patronus. You know he only calls when one of you is drunk or he just wants some."

"Gin, that's not necessarily—"

"Two," she continued as if Hermione hadn't spoken. "Don't let him into your quarters or your house. You'll only have to kick him out again anyway and you really don't need that."

"Gin, I've never _kicked_ —"

"Three," Ginny raised her voice. "Don't be his friend outside of work. You'll only end up in his bed by morning, as we have repeatedly seen."

"But Gin, we _are_ frien—"

"Hermione," she stopped, staring her dead in the eyes as she spoke, "you are never going to get over him if you're always _under_ him. They're antithetical concepts."

"Did you learn such a big word just to convince me to stay away from him? I'm flattered."

Ginny yanked rather hard on a strand of her hair, causing her to yelp.

"Alright, alright. I hear you, Ginny. I do. I just… I can't seem to help myself when it comes to him. I'm… I'm absolutely, completely, madly in lo—"

Her friend flicked her wand at Hermione's throat to silence her, "I am going to pretend that you weren't going to just say something so insane. Now, we are going to finishing getting dressed, look hot as hell, and go out to some club I heard about in Diagon Alley where we can just let loose because the men in our lives are fucking ridiculous and seriously don't deserve us. Do I make myself clear?"

Hermione could only nod in resignation… though she had a pretty good idea of where she would inevitably end up before the night was through anyway.

x-x-x

"I'm surprised to see you here, Severus. I was under the impression that you had a… standing appointment each Saturday evening."

Severus rolled his eyes, tipping the half-full glass of ridiculously expensive brandy to his lips, "No idea what you're talking about, Lucius. I assure you, I have nowhere else to be."

"Not until Hermione is plastered, that is," Draco quipped, gliding into the room like he owned the place, rather than his father. He took a seat beside the austere man in all black, flicking his wand towards the open decanter to procure a glass for himself. "I'd say Uncle Severus will be leaving us somewhere in the vicinity of 2 to 3 a.m., through the Floo in the library so we can't overhear his destination. Which will, inevitably, be either her bedroom or his own."

"Watch your tongue, you insolent little shit," Severus growled into his drink, contemplating whether or not to hex the boy in his father's company. Mmm… better not. Azkaban had softened his friend but not nearly enough for that.

Lucius snickered, "No need to verbally eviscerate him for speaking the truth, Severus. It's a little late to start denying it now after all."

"You've all lost your minds. The house arrest has finally done you in."

"Maybe," his friend shrugged, unconvinced. "Or maybe your witch has been divulging details to my son, who in turn has divulged them to me."

Severus choked on his brandy. _No way; she wouldn't!_ "I… but… that isn't… what has she told you?!"

Lucius had the grace to bite back his laughter but Draco did nothing to hide his as the younger boy waved an elegant hand dismissively, "She hasn't given me any graphic details, if that's what you're worried about. I promise, Uncle, anything she's told me has been… innocuous. Depending on your definition of the word, of course."

His eyes narrowed in warning, anger flaring in his chest at the thought of anyone knowing the things they did when they were alone. He wasn't a prude by any means but the things he did with her… they were almost sacred. He didn't want to share them with anyone. Ever. "Draco…"

The boy grinned, clearly enjoying himself so much it set Severus' teeth on edge. "She may have mentioned that you are a very passionate kisser, with a penchant for leaving love bites that she has to glamour before her classes on Monday lest the students see. There may have been some talk of, how did she put it? Ah, yes: 'fingers so talented it was almost a waste to use them for Potions'. And I may have heard her say that you're an exceptionally gifted _orator_."

Severus' typically pale skin was burning scarlet in mortification, "She… she would _never_ …"

Draco shrugged, "I might have accidentally ordered her a Babbling Beverage during one of our weekly lunches with just a tiny dose of Veritaserum on the side. She was being annoyingly tight-lipped about the whole thing."

In half a second, his godfather was on his feet with his wand pointed squarely between those steely gray eyes, "You _drugged_ her?!"

Lucius came to put his hand on Severus' wand, slowly pushing it down until it was hanging back at his side, "Miss Granger realized almost immediately. She did not let Draco off lightly, I assure you."

Severus relaxed a fraction, just a hint of smug amusement touching his sharp features, "Ah, so _that's_ why she kneed you in the crotch. Good. You deserved it for that."

The younger boy smirked, "It was worth it for the information I got."

He scowled at him again as he retook his seat in the leather armchair, "Leave her alone about, Draco. You two may be friends, but everyone knows that she is a very private person."

"Oh, I know. That's why I had to wait until she was completely pissed to ask her any more about it."

His expression darkened again.

"I have to admit," Draco continued, "I was rather surprised to hear of the way you've been shamelessly stringing her along, Uncle. I never thought you the type."

Severus' hand was already inching towards his wand again as he hissed, "I would _never_."

"No?" Draco sat forward, elbows on his knees as he stared at his godfather with a very serious expression. "Then why was she crying when she told me that?"

Severus visibly recoiled, pain lancing through his heart at the mere thought of Hermione being that upset over anything, let alone _him_ , "I honestly have no idea."

Lucius interjected softly, "Have you made a point to tell her how you feel about her, Severus?"

"No, he hasn't," Draco answered, all amusement gone from his demeanor now. "And trust me, she's noticed."

He frowned, thinking back over their various encounters, "I… we have never really had the opportunity to discuss it."

The boy snorted, "By my count, you've have six opportunities so far."

Lucius sighed, "Even I must agree that you've waited an abnormally long time to discuss such things, Severus. Women are often much more sensitive to things like that, especially the younger ones who are less secure. Has she ever even been with someone older before?"

Draco answered again, though the question wasn't directed at him, "She's never been with anyone at all."

Severus' dark eyes widened in surprise, "I thought that she and Weasley—"

"No."

"And there was that Bulgarian, something Krum—"

"No."

"And surely all those rumors about her and Potter—"

Lucius nearly choked as Draco scoffed, "No."

He slumped back in his chair in shock, hand sliding over his face as the seriousness of the situation really hit him, "Fuck. I thought—"

Draco's eyes were flinty with anger now, "You took her virginity and yet you've never even told her that you _like_ her, let alone anything more. What is she supposed to think? The way you treat her is no better than if she were a common whore."

The room was uncomfortably silent at that.

"She doesn't deserve this, Uncle. If you don't intend to build something with her, then for the love of all that's holy- break it off. End it before it hurts her any more. Because believe me, it already has."

And with that, Draco stalked out of the room- all traces of his playful mood gone as he slammed the door behind him.

"I… I really had no idea," Severus managed eventually, still reeling and utterly dumbfounded. How had he missed this? Was he truly so blind? He'd been a spy, for fuck's sake! How the hell had he missed something so crucial? "I swear to you, she has never said anything about wanting something more."

Lucius poured his friend a little more brandy, "After your trial, the way you felt for Lily Evans became public knowledge. Are you so surprised that the girl was waiting for you to make the first move? That she might be worried about your capacity to actually feel anything for anyone else?"

His answering glare was sharp, "I _did_ make the first move, as you well remember."

He shook his head, long white-blond hair gleaming in the firelight, "An offer of physical intimacy is not the same as that of an emotional one."

"Since when?"

Lucius brow lifted, "Since always- you've just been an oddity all these years. Most other men have no problem finding them mutually exclusive and women know it. Do you think she knows you well enough to realize that you don't feel that way?"

His heart twisted in his chest, "Probably not."

"Then perhaps…" His oldest friend sat forward, plucking the glass from his slender hands and shoving a Sober-Up into them instead. "…you should tell her."

"I'm not drunk…" He looked down at the tiny glass vial, his voice soft. "We never were."


	2. First

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

* * *

 _The first time had been an accident, an anomaly._

 _Hermione was sitting at the worn bar-top of the Three Broomsticks, nursing an untouched glass of firewhiskey between her hands, when he saw her. They had struck up a tentative friendship this year, although it was her fifth year at the school already. He'd wanted to reach out to her much, much sooner but…well, the war may be over but he was still the same person that he always was- acerbic, antisocial… ugly. He didn't need a school full of insensitive teenagers to know all of that, thank you very much- though he had one anyway._

 _So for a long time he'd left her alone and treated her much the same as he always had; cold, uninterested, utterly annoyed with every word that came out of her mouth. Despite the fact that all of that could not have been further from the truth. At first he thought that his strange, somewhat unnerving attraction to her was because she had somehow saved his life back in the Shrieking Shack; he thought perhaps this was some strange side-effect of a Life-Debt._

 _But he had owed a Life-Debt to James Potter for many, many years without wanting to shag him senseless— thank Merlin— so that wasn't it._

 _It took him five long years to realize that he was simply attracted to her. That was all. There was no real reason… unless you counted her warm cinnamon eyes that always saw a little too much, or her dusky bronze skin that glowed under the sconces, or her wild mane of chocolate curls that threatened to overtake her, or her peach-colored lips that were just a little too wide to be considered perfect, or the sharp dip of her waist that her robes clung to, or her velvety voice that squeaked when she was really excited about something. No, unless you considered those things, there really wasn't a reason that he wanted her at all._

 _But_ fuck _, he really did._

 _So he threw caution to the wind and sat next to her._

 _"Rough day?" He asked, desperately attempting to school his voice into something that could pass for 'casual'._

 _Hermione sighed, "You could say that."_

 _He cleared his throat a little awkwardly, "For once, I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to talk about it."_

 _The corner of her decadent mouth pulled up in a tiny smirk, "That's very kind of you, sir. I can't imagine what it must have cost you to offer that."_

 _Severus grinned a little, the tips of his ears burning, "Yes, well, I do have a reputation as a bastard to uphold so you can't tell anyone."_

 _"Of course not, sir," she chuckled softly. "I wouldn't dream of it."_

 _"S-Severus," he stammered a little. "You may as well dispense with the formalities, Miss Granger. I have not been your professor for many years now."_ Thank the Gods for that.

 _"Only if you call me Hermione," she eyed him as she took another sip of her drink._

 _"As you wish… Hermione."_

 _Were he anyone else, were_ she _anyone else, he would have sworn that she shivered when he said her name…_

 _"Well, since you did offer an ear," Hermione sighed a little, "I have been having some trouble with a few of your Slytherins this term."_

 _"Oh?" He asked, brow furrowing. "What sort of trouble?"_

 _She chewed her lip for a moment and he almost,_ almost _, started to sweat. Fucking hell, she was going to kill him. This was a bad idea._

 _"One of the seventh years called me a 'Mudblood' this morning. And one of his friends vandalized my desk last week."_

 _Severus nearly choked on his drink, "They did_ what _?"_

 _Hermione shrugged, "I know it shouldn't bother me still but…"_

 _"Hermione," he turned to her, "there is nothing wrong with being bothered by such a heinous word. Wait... did they write it on your desk as well?"_

 _She nodded._

 _He had to physically suppress the growl building in his chest, "Who was it?"_

 _She looked genuinely surprised, "Oh, Severus it really doesn't matter. I know they're just being rebellious because they think it's cool right now. Please, don't bother yourself."_

 _Severus gently took the glass from her hands, his fingers brushing hers as he did so, "It does matter. No one will ever call you that name again, if I have anything to say about it."_

 _Hermione's warm cinnamon eyes met his and they simply stared at each other for a few moments before he heard her soft voice again, "If I had anything to say about it, no one would ever call you those terrible names again either, you know. Especially since…" She bit her lip, a slight blush creeping into her cheeks. "Since they're not true at all."_

 _That took him genuinely by surprise. She didn't… she didn't think the things people said about him were true? Come to think of it, he never had heard her join in with everyone else in taunting his appearance, not even back when she was a student…_

 _"I, uhm… I haven't had dinner yet. Have you?" She asked rather sheepishly._

 _He shook his head, still in shock from her confession._

 _"Would you… would you like to go somewhere with me? We can eat just about anything- I'm not really picky."_

 _The words sounded strange as they came out of his mouth, "You… want to have dinner with me?"_

 _Hermione blushed a little harder but nodded, tucking an errant curl behind her ear, "I'd like to, but if you already have plans_ — _"_

 _Severus hadn't even realized that she'd never finished her sentence because he was kissing her._

 _When he finally pulled away, he fully intended on apologizing but Hermione caught him off guard once again, "I was wondering how long it would take you to do that," she smiled softly, fingers ghosting across his sharp jawline before pressing her lips against his once more. "How does Italian sound? My treat?"_

 _All the blood had rushed promptly to his trousers, leaving him rather dizzy and incoherent, "Italian. Yeah. Great."_

 _Hermione smirked, fingers linking with his as she slipped from the barstool. When he looked down at their hands with wide eyes, she started to pull away, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have presumed_ — _"_

 _And just like that, Severus was kissing her again; his fingers tightening around hers to reassure her that they were exactly where he wanted them to be._

 _She_ Apparated _them to a lovely little muggle Italian restaurant then, but they didn't even make it to dessert. When the waitress had left to retrieve their respective tiramisu's, they were already nearly tripping over each other to get outside to the nearest Apparition point. By the time she returned, they were already tearing each other's robes off in Severus' chambers and by the time she had counted the almost insane amount of muggle money Hermione had left on the table, Severus' face was buried deep between Hermione's thighs and enjoying a little dessert of his own._

 _One that he'd wanted for a very, very long time._


	3. Second

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

* * *

 _The second time had been an accident as well, another glitch._

 _Ginny was reeling from yet_ another _break up with Dean and in need of some serious girl time and, of course, Hermione had been dragged along. It didn't matter that she had another long week with more unruly Slytherins and that she was utterly_ knackered _. At promptly seven in the evening, after dinner in the Great Hall had concluded, Ginny was stepping through Hermione's bedroom Floo- dressed in what she could only describe as sparkly lingerie._

 _"What in the name of all that is holy are you wearing, Ginevra Weasley?" Hermione circled her like a shark, poking and pulling at random scraps of the sheer fabric. "Your mother would have a stroke if she saw you like this."_

 _"Well it's a good thing that we're not going to dinner at the Burrow then, isn't it?" Her friend quipped, flipping her fiery hair over one shoulder and subsequently baring way too much cleavage. "Now, as terrified as I am to ask, what exactly are you intending to wear?"_

 _Hermione frowned, looking down at the tasteful black pencil skirt and maroon silk blouse she was currently sporting, "What's wrong with what I've got on?"_

 _Ginny looked like_ she _wanted to have a stroke, "You… you're kidding right? Hermione, you look like a bloody teacher. How are you going to find someone to shag silly when you look like you're ready to assign homework?"_

 _She wacked her on her very bare arm, "First of all, I_ am _a teacher. Second of all, I'm not looking for someone to shag silly."_

 _"Oh right, I forgot. Miss Virgin Princess is waiting for_ true love _," Ginny rolled her eyes._

 _Hermione cleared her throat, "I… well, I… I wouldn't say that I'm waiting as such anymore."_

 _The squeal that emanated from the other girl resembled something that a mandrake might produce upon being sliced in two, "You finally let someone into those knickers, did you? Oh Gods, you just_ have _to tell me all about it. I've been waiting for this day since we were back in school!"_

 _She tried to be nonchalant, "It's really not a big deal."_

 _Ginny scoffed, "Not a big deal? Okay, wait a second. So up until…?"_

 _"A week ago," she murmured, cheeks flaming at the memory of Severus doing all sorts of fabulous things with his tongue._

 _"Right. Up until a week ago, you were a delicate, blushing virgin, hell-bent on waiting for Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet before you'd even consider popping a fucking button on your blouse. And now I find out that you've gone off and just_ — _"_

 _"It was Professor Snape," she blurted, unwilling to hear the rest of whatever horrifying thing Ginny was going to say. "I slept with Professor Snape last weekend."_

 _Ginny was almost eerily silent for a while before she repeated, "Professor Snape."_

 _Hermione nodded, biting her lip._

 _"The same Professor Snape that you've had a crush on since fourth year."_

 _She nodded again, rubbing her forehead._

 _"The same Professor Snape that you've had a crush on since fourth year that was a Death Eater and was in love with—"_

 _"Please, Ginny. I know."_

 _"Were either of you drunk?"_

No.

 _"Yes."_

 _"Did you… mean for it happen?"_

Yes. Yes, yes, YES.

 _"No."_

 _"Was it good?"_

He's ruined the possibility of all other men for me. He burned himself into my skin. There will never be anyone else for me now.

 _"I don't really remember."_

 _Ginny huffed, "Well that's disappointing. You've been fantasizing about the man since you were like, fifteen. What a way to be let down. Maybe you should see if you can weasel a sober shag out of him, just so you can actually remember what it was like."_

I will never forget; he made sure of that.

 _"Weren't we supposed to going out somewhere?"_

 _That caught her attention. Ginny jumped up and began tearing through Hermione's wardrobe but when she could find nothing she deemed acceptable, she settled for transfiguring Hermione's current outfit into something that should probably be banned on the grounds of public nudity. The slinky scrap of gold fabric hardly covered her arse, let alone her chest. And Hermione would be willing to bet the tiniest of breezes would exposed the almost nonexistent black knickers that Ginny had forced onto her as well._

 _Well, at least the night would probably prove to be interesting._

 _She was proven right as usual when, three hours later Ginny was absolutely trashed and snogging some muggle girl rather furiously on the dancefloor of whatever club they were at now. Hermione didn't feel like dancing- not when there was a one hundred and fifty percent chance that some sleazy guy would end up rubbing up against her like a cat in heat. Ugh, no thank you._

 _Besides, there was someone else on her mind._

 _Hermione snuck into the bathroom to cast a quick patronus, "I'm trapped in a horrid club in muggle London with Ginny. She's pissed- send someone to get her and I'll meet you back at Hogwarts as soon as they get here."_

 _Her corporeal otter had scampered away only two minutes before a slinky, scrappy looking fox patronus appeared in the loo, "Mmm… that is quite presumptuous, Hermione. I look forward to teaching you a lesson in manners this evening. Miss Lovegood in en route. Please be devoid of knickers when you arrive."_

 _The moment Hermione caught sight of Luna's glowing blond hair under the flashing lights of the dancefloor and made sure that Ginny was within Luna's grasp, she slunk out the back of the club to the dingy alley and Apparated back to the gates of Hogwarts, thankful that it was so warm for the spring and she was not in danger of hypothermia from being practically naked._

 _Severus was at the gates waiting for her._

 _His brow lifted when he caught sight of her, eyes raking down her body and coming back up, only to stop at the incredibly short hem of her barely-there dress, "You wore this in public?"_

 _Hermione nodded, blushing as she stepped towards him._

 _He licked his lips, "And you were not arrested for public indecency?"_

 _She grabbed his hand and slid it up her thigh, the very short distance, until he could feel that she had complied with his wishes and was wearing nothing underneath, "Surprisingly, no."_

 _Severus let out a harsh, shaky breath when his fingers met the damp curls between her thighs, "Fucking hell, woman. Is this," he slid his fingers across her center and up towards her clit, making her gasp, "all for me?"_

 _Hermione gripped his shoulders, whimpering, "You know it is, Severus. I don't want anyone else."_

 _With nothing but a Notice-Me-Not charm to conceal them, he claimed her body right there under the stars on the grass at the gates of Hogwarts._

 _She knew from that moment that there had never been any question._

 _Hermione was in love with him._


	4. Third

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

* * *

 _The third time had been anyone's guess really._

 _In a rather uncharacteristic gesture, Severus had offered to make Hermione dinner and she had accepted rather enthusiastically, musing that she had no idea he knew how to cook and that she was utterly awful at anything other than toast._

 _He was looking forward to doing something special for her, even if it was only making dinner._

 _To be perfectly frank, Severus had never been in a relationship before. There had been Lily, which he could now admit was not healthy or balanced in the slightest, and there had been the occasional woman at the Death Eater revel, but only when he could no longer get away with claiming impotence any more. Other than that, he had chosen to remain alone._

 _After all, why burden someone else with the life he had chosen?_

 _But things were different now; he no longer had any master to obey and was free to finally live his own life. He could finally pursue all the things, and women, he wanted to._

 _Well…_ woman _. One. Singular._

 _And she was currently sitting across a small table from him with only their plates, wine glasses, and a few tall candles between them._

 _How the fuck had he gotten so lucky?_

 _Internally, he winced. Better not to think about it._

 _Hermione finished the roast duck and fingerling potatoes he'd made for her with a contented sigh, "That was, quite possibly, the best meal I have had in a very long time- maybe ever. You, Severus, are a phenomenal chef and have ruined me for the house elves cooking from here on out."_

 _Severus smirked, swirling the wine around his glass, "I suppose that just means you will have to eat dinner with me more often then, doesn't it?"_

 _She bit her lip but couldn't quite hide her shy smile, "Yes, I suppose it does."_

 _He took a sip of his wine, eyeing her over the rim of the glass as she watched him. "You're staring," he commented lightly._

 _Hermione's cheeks pinked but she didn't look away, "Am I?"_

 _Severus was about to respond when she stood and came to gently take the glass from his hand…_

 _And promptly,_ purposefully _, poured the remainder onto his crisp white shirt._

 _What the hell? Severus sat up, fully intending to demand just what in all the hells her problem was and why she had ruined his shirt, but she set the glass on the table behind her and moved back so she could assess him, "Oh, would you look at that," she said in a rather bland voice. "You've got wine on you."_

 _He reached for his wand, which was also on the table, before she knocked it out of his hand so it clattered to the floor, "Hermione, what—"_

 _Her warm eyes glittered in the firelight, "Goodness Severus, you're so clumsy sometimes. Now I think that you need a shower to clean all that wine off... with my assistance, of course. You are much too clumsy to do it yourself."_

 _Stunned. He was stunned._

 _She had done it on purpose as an excuse to get him naked… and in the shower._

 _With her._

 _Cheeky witch._

 _Severus sat back, brow raised, "Well?"_

 _She didn't waste another moment. Hermione dragged him from the chair towards his rather opulent bathroom, mouth devouring his hungrily as she pushed off his stained shirt… his undershirt… his trousers… his pants…_

 _And then she was pinned against the tiled wall, skin glistening with water droplets as he drove into her like a man possessed- the only sounds from either them a combination of groans, sharp breaths, and half-formed names._

 _Severus was going to have bruises in the shape of fingers on his shoulders and scratch marks along his back but they would complement the bite marks on her neck and the inevitable bruising between her thighs rather nicely so it was inconsequential._

 _An hour later, spent and sated, they were plastered to each other in his bed, Hermione dragging the pads of her fingers along his skin with extra delicate attention paid to any scars she came across. Severus was drifting in and out of consciousness, simply reveling in the naked witch who was all but glued to his side._

 _Life really didn't get much better than this._

 _Hermione moved to rest her chin on his chest and he could feel her warm eyes on him, "Severus? Can we talk for a second?"_

 _He was too far away, floating in post-coital bliss to notice the slight edge to her voice, "Mmmhmm?"_

 _Her fingers, which had been dancing rather nicely down his stomach, had paused, "I know this may be difficult for you, but…" She hesitated and he felt an icy fear wash over him. "I just… I can't do casual. Not with you. I mean… I suppose what I'm saying is—"_

 _This was the inevitable rejection he'd been waiting for, that he knew would always come no matter how hard he wished it wouldn't. He steeled himself, swallowing the lump in his throat as he pushed himself up from the bed and away from her, hastily throwing on his clothes._

 _"Severus?" She asked, clearly confused and a little anxious. "Where are you going? I thought… I thought we were discussing this?"_

 _He couldn't do this. He couldn't let her go. Not right now anyway- not when she was naked in his fucking bed, looking like a goddess. Not after the things they had just done._

 _"I… I can't…" Severus said hoarsely, snatching his heavy teaching robes. "I have to go."_

 _Before she could say another word, Severus was already out the door, climbing the dungeon steps two at a time to reach the castle proper. If she was going to reject him, he needed time to gather himself and practice his Occlumency again._


	5. Fourth

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

* * *

 _The fourth time had been entirely Hermione's fault._

 _She was still reeling from the way Severus had rejected her so smoothly a few weeks prior, despite the fact that she'd still been naked in his bed, but it was the first anniversary of her parent's deaths and she just couldn't bear it alone._

 _So Hermione swallowed her pride, buried the remaining scraps of her self-respect, and sought him out._

 _When he didn't answer the Floo call she made to his dungeon quarters, she tried his house in Cokeworth._

 _"S-Severus?" She called through the emerald flames. "Are you there?"_

 _When he didn't answer, she let out a shaky breath and tried again._

 _"Please…" Hermione choked, the tears already threatening to overtake her. "If you're in, I just… I really need you right now."_

 _Before she knew what had happened, she was standing in his dingy front room, eye-level with the many buttons that adorned his chest._

 _He tilted her chin up and frowned when he caught the tears in her eyes, "What's wrong? What happened?"_

 _That was all it took. Hermione's felt herself crumple and she would have collapsed to the floor had he not caught her. Severus gently set her on the old, lumpy couch and sat beside her, his slender fingers wiping some of the tears from her cheeks, "Talk to me, sweet girl. Tell me what's hurting you."_

 _She had been so upset with him for the past few weeks, so angry that he hadn't even been willing to_ discuss _a relationship with her at all, that she had not spoken to him other than was strictly necessary for their jobs._ _But when he called her such a heartfelt endearment in that soothing, silky voice, Hermione found herself wondering why she cared in the first place. He may not want a relationship with her, but she'd be a fool not to take whatever this elusive man was willing to give- however much or little that may be._

 _She buried herself into his chest, arms wrapping like a vice around his back as she cried into his frock coat._

 _Severus rocked her gently, stroking her hair, "You're scaring the hell out of me, Hermione," he admitted in a soft voice. "Please tell me what has you so upset."_

 _"My- my parents…" She sobbed, fingers gripping the back of his coat as if he was her last life-line in an open ocean. "Gone… last year…"_

 _He let out a deep breath, "Ah, I hadn't realized that was today. Let it out, Hermione. I understand more than most how much it hurts so just let it out. I'm here. You aren't alone anymore."_

 _The shards of her already broken heart ached a little more at that, but she was more than content to simply pretend that all of the tears were for her parents. She was going to regret this later, when she was finally alone and back in her right frame of mind, but right now, she was fine with pretending._

 _"Make me forget," Hermione pleaded, too afraid to look up and see the coldness of Occlumency in his eyes again. "Please, Severus."_

 _He didn't even hesitate. Severus lifted her face and pressed his lips to her like they'd done it a thousand times before, his fingers wiping away the wetness on her cheeks and trailing down her jaw to the back of her neck._

 _Her head fell back, eyes slipping shut._ Just for a little while _, she told herself._ Just one more time _._

 _"I've missed you so much, sweet girl," he crooned against her collarbone as his large, slender hands slid beneath her shirt to rest against her ribs. "I hadn't thought I'd ever get to have you like this again."_

Just one more time _, she repeated, her throat tightening as he slowly peeled off her blouse._ This is the last time.

 _"You are so beautiful," he breathed against the swell of her breast. "What I wouldn't give to have you all to myself for the rest of time."_

He's only interested in you for the sex, _Hermione reminded her treacherous heart when it turned over in her chest at his words._ He doesn't want a future with you _._ Don't read into anything he says.

 _"Let me worship you, my beautiful goddess," Severus dragged his tongue along the line of her skirt where it sat on her hips. "Let me show you the proper tribute that should be paid to something so impossibly lovely."_

 _He took his time, so different than most of their times together before. Every movement, every touch was calculated and perfect. There was no animalistic rutting, no desperate snapping of hips or clawing at skin. No… this time, he made love to her, slow and sure, as if…_

 _As if he loved her._

 _Hermione had to keep her eyes closed as he drove himself into her, over and over, at a tortuously slow pace. She had to bite her lip when he began to breathe her name against her hair as if it was a prayer, as if it were something sacred- to be adored and protected. She had to grip his hair to stop her hands from shaking as he continued to whisper all the ways in which he thought she was perfect. She had to bury her face in his shoulder to hide her tears when he tipped her over the edge of the most earth-shattering, heart-breaking orgasm she'd ever experienced. She had to press her face into his scarred neck to avoid sobbing when he emptied himself inside of her, nothing other than her name on his lips as he chanted it over and over and over again._

 _Who the hell was she kidding?_

 _There would never be a last time, not if she had a choice._


	6. Fifth

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

* * *

 _The fifth time had been confusing._

 _It had all started when Severus had gone to the seventh floor in search of the Room of Hidden Things, to find the door to the Arithmancy classroom cracked open and voices coming from inside._

 _He stopped outside the door, leaning closer so he could hear what was being said. He was, after all, only human._

 _"Come on, Hermione. It will be fun and you could use a night away."_

 _Draco. Severus grit his teeth._

 _"I don't know Draco," Hermione said slowly, shuffling something that sounded like parchment across her desk. "I'm kind of seeing someone."_

 _"Oh? Who? You certainly haven't mentioned anyone to me."_

 _She chuckled a little, "That's because it's rather complicated and I didn't want to have to try and explain it."_

 _"Complicated…" Draco mused. "Complicated, as in, not exclusive?"_

 _It was quiet for a moment, "I'm… not entirely sure."_

 _The boy scoffed, "So you're 'kind of' seeing someone but you have no idea if he's shagging anyone else? Promising start you have there."_

 _Severus bristled._

 _"No, I mean…" Hermione sighed. "I certainly don't think he's seeing anyone else. He doesn't really seem like the type to do something like that."_

 _"But you don't know for sure."_

 _"No, I suppose not."_

 _"Then fuck it. Come out with us tonight. Your 'sort of' boyfriend doesn't need to know, especially if he isn't exactly forthcoming with his private life. You don't owe him a damn thing if he isn't willing to give anything in return."_

 _Severus wanted to snap the little shit's neck. Draco knew good and gods damned well that he was seeing Hermione. He and Lucius discussed it more frequently that he liked to admit and Draco had chimed in with his unwanted opinion on more than one occasion as well._

 _What was he playing at?_

 _There was silence for another moment before she spoke again, "Fine, I'll come. But only because Harry will be there to even you out. Lord knows if it was just us, you'd have me betrothed to some rich, pureblood prat by the end of the night."_

 _It sounded like he shrugged, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to help you find someone worthy of you. Especially if that someone isn't afraid to actually be seen with you."_

 _Hermione dropped something onto the floor. An inkwell? "D-Draco! It's not like that!"_

 _"Isn't it?" He quipped, the legs of a desk scraping the stone slightly as he leaned against it. "How long have you been seeing this mystery guy of yours, again?"_

 _Her voice was soft, "A few weeks. Since… since the end of the last school term."_

 _"So almost two, two and a half months then?"_

 _She must have nodded._

 _"And have you two ever been out in public together?"_

 _"Draco—"_

 _"Have you?"_

 _"I… yes. Once. We went to a muggle restaurant in London for dinner."_

 _"So never in the Wizarding world then."_

 _"…No. It isn't really like that."_

 _"Hmmm… you keep saying that. And how many times have you slept with him?"_

 _"Draco!"_

 _The boy whistled, "That many? Merlin's balls, Hermione. I didn't think you had it in you but you're quite the closet vixen, huh?"_

 _That's it. Severus was, absolutely, resolutely going to poison the little brat at his next opportunity. Surely, Lucius would understand._

 _"Draco, please stop," she pleaded, her voice thick. "Please don't cheapen it. I'm not just being some wanton harlot, I swear."_

 _Draco's voice was gentler now, "I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to push. I was just kidding."_

 _"I know, and usually I love that about you just… not about this, okay? I'm having enough trouble with it as it is."_

 _There was the sound of fabric brushing fabric; he must have hugged her, "Maybe I'm just jealous."_

 _Hermione actually laughed at that and it sounded like she smacked his arm, "Keep it up and I'm going to tell Harry that you're hitting on me. Poor boy would never trust you again, bless his insecure little heart."_

 _He sighed, "All the things I do for that bloody bespectacled prat and he still has the gall to doubt me."_

 _"Just give him time, Draco. This is all new for him and you two used to hate each other. It will just take a little longer for him to fully trust what you two have, that's all. Try not to take it personally; you know what his life has been like."_

 _"Sometimes I forget that you're Hermione Granger, bleeding-heart Gryffindor know-it-all. Why didn't I just come to you for advice before?"_

 _"Because you, Draco, are an idiot as always."_

 _He chuckled, "Right, of course. How could I forget? I suppose I should go and make sure Harry doesn't dress in those god-awful trainers again. I'll see you at seven?"_

 _"I'll Floo to the manor."_

 _"I'll tell father to be expecting you in the library."_

 _There was just enough time for Severus to Disillusion himself before Draco came striding out the door. Before he reached the end of the hall, he turned back to stare at where Severus was hastily concealed, cracking a mischievous grin before shaking his head and turning to descend the stairs._

 _Once he was gone, Severus_ Finite'd _his Disillusionment charm and slipped into the Arithmancy classroom to see Hermione waving her wand over an ink spill on the floor by her desk. Ah, so it had been an inkwell she dropped then._

 _She looked up when the door clicked shut and instantly beamed at him, "Severus! What a nice surprise. I didn't expect to see you today."_

 _"Are you free tonight?"_

 _She seemed a little taken aback by his bluntness, "Uh… wait, what?"_

 _His brow lifted in true Professor Snape fashion, "Tonight. Are you free?"_

 _Her face fell a little, "Oh, uh, no I actually have plans with Draco and Harry tonight. You can come by after if you want, though. I can't imagine them keeping me out too late."_

 _Severus could feel the jealousy clawing at his insides, taking chunks from his heart and spitting them into his throat. Was Draco right? Should he make more of an effort to actually go places with her? That seemed awfully close to something they would do if they were dating, and he was fairly certain that that wasn't what this was._ _After all, Hermione had never specifically indicated that dating was what she wanted and he learned a long time ago that it was never safe to assume anything when it came to women._ _And though he wanted that with her so badly he could taste it, he wasn't going to force it on her. If the brief nights together were all she would ever allow him to have, then he would take them and he would be thankful._

 _Because what she had given him was better than having nothing at all; even if it did break his heart._

 _"Ah," he said rather roughly, turning back to the door. "Perhaps another time."_

 _"Severus," Hermione caught his wrist. "I'm really sorry. Please don't—"_

 _It honestly seemed like an inevitable thing whenever they were alone now. Severus whirled around and caught her mouth with his, leading her back until she knocked against her desk. Hermione didn't even pause as she blindly shoved everything from her desk to go scattering across the floor. Her fingers were undoing the buttons on his chest as his did the same. Of course they could be instantly naked with only a flick of either of their wands, but where was the fun in that? He rather enjoyed having to mend his clothing when she was finished with him and he'd caught her playing with one of her own missing buttons idly before as well._

 _Once all the fabric they currently possessed was in a large pool on the floor, Severus lifted her hips onto the desk and shoved himself into her as he gripped her wild hair._

 _"You…_ this _… is mine, do you understand?" He growled between clenched teeth, desperate not to embarrass himself like a spotty teen as the jealousy clawed at his throat._ _She wasn't his, not really, but even just thinking that threatened to break him._ _"I am the only one who gets you like this."_

 _"Yes, sir," she gasped, eyes slipping shut as he moved his hips. "Only you."_

 _"Fuck Draco, fuck Potter, fuck your plans," Severus panted, driving himself so hard into her that she knocked back into the wood and had to grip the sides of the desk. "Come out with me tonight."_

 _Her answer was rather lost between her breathy moans and sharp gasps that sounded vaguely like his name, but he was fairly certain that she had said yes._


	7. Sixth

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

* * *

 _The sixth time had been the final straw._

 _"I'm surprised that you're actually going this year."_

 _Severus had shrugged, seemingly unconcerned even as Hermione felt like she was going to be sick. Maybe… maybe he'd want to go with her. Maybe they could finally let people know that they were together- if that's what they were._

 _"It's just that you don't usually pay any attention to the annual Ministry functions. What changed this time?"_

 _He sighed, pinching the bridge of his aquiline nose as he set aside the parchment he was marking, "To be perfectly honest, Hermione, I truly do not want to go. But Shacklebolt has decided that if I don't start playing nice with the Ministry, they're going to take my Order of Merlin, along with all the galleons that come with it."_

 _"But they shouldn't be allowed to do that."_

 _"No, but it would seem that they're going to anyway."_

 _She chewed her lip, twisting her fingers anxiously as she tried to summon the courage to ask him. Oh, this was silly. Hermione took a deep breath, "We could go together, if you wanted to."_

 _His hands moved from his face and he slowly looked up at her, "Together," he repeated, as if he'd never heard the word before. "Like a couple?"_

 _Hermione could see the panic in his eyes; he wasn't even trying to hide it. It hit her like a physical blow but she quickly backpedaled, "No, no of course not. I only meant that, well, you and I… we get along so well and I just thought that maybe it would make it easier for you but… sorry, just forget I even mentioned it. It was such a silly idea, wasn't it? Well I should go. Ginny will want plenty of time to shellac me with about ten thousand potions before she deems me fit for public consumption. I'll see you tonight at the Ministry."_

 _Before he could say anything else, before she was forced to watch his face soften with pity, Hermione bolted for the open door of his office._

 _x-x-x_

 _Thankfully, Ginny had not badgered her about Severus while they got ready for the annual War Memorial ball. In fact, she hadn't stopped talking for a single moment about how dashing Dean looked in his formal robes and how happy she was that they were back together again._

 _Hermione didn't mind the endless chatter; it kept her distracted from the look she had seen in his eyes._

 _The panic-stricken look that told her what she was afraid she already knew: he wasn't ready for something serious with her._

 _She pressed her fist against her abdomen._

 _"Hey, you okay?" Ginny asked quietly, cocking her head as she surveyed Hermione in the mirror she was currently sitting in front of._

 _"I'm fine," she managed somewhat convincingly. "Just hate this kind of thing, you know?"_

 _Her friend nodded in understanding, "Are they going to force you to make a speech again this year?"_

 _"No, thank Merlin. Shacklebolt is saving that honor for Neville this year."_

 _"Ahh, poor guy. He hates being the center of attention."_

 _"I know, but his confidence has really grown the past few years. I think he'll do a good job."_

 _It was quiet as Ginny twisted Hermione's hair into some kind of elegant top-knot but that only lasted for a few minutes, "So… no date, huh?"_

 _"Ginny, please. Don't."_

 _"Sorry," she said quietly. "But he_ is _going to be there, right?"_

 _"Yes," Hermione admitted just as quietly. "He is."_

 _"And… why are you not going with him?"_

Because when I asked him, he looked horrified at the mere thought.

Lie, _Hermione's brain screamed._ Lie!

 _"We've only ever been together when we were drunk."_ Lies. _"I doubt he could even stand me sober."_ Such lies.

 _Ginny's expression darkened, "That's not okay, Hermione. He shouldn't treat you like that."_

I'm not willing to give up whatever he can give me.

 _Hermione shrugged, "It is what it is, Ginny, Please just leave it alone."_

 _"Does Draco know about this?"_

 _"Yes," she sighed out loud this time, "He got it out of me a little while ago, that sneaky little ferret."_

 _"I can't imagine he was happy about it."_

 _Hermione frowned at her friend through the mirror, "Why?"_

 _Ginny rolled her soot-darkened eyes, "Because he's even more protective of you than I am now and I can't imagine he'd be happy to know that Snape is using you like a fuck-toy."_

 _"Ginny!"_

 _"I'm sorry but it's true. You tell me that he probably can't stand you sober and only gives you the time of day, which is code for his dick, when he's pissed out of his mind. What exactly would you call it?"_

A gross misinterpretation _._ A complete fucking lie. Not even remotely close to anything resembling the truth.

 _Hermione knew she couldn't really tell Ginny that. The truth was even worse than the lie._

 _She was in love with him and he was only in it for the sex, but she kept going back anyway because he was like a drug and she was a shameless addict who never wanted to stop._

 _Gods, what the hell had her life become?_

 _"Can we just have a pleasant evening, Gin? Please? No antagonizing Severus, no badgering Draco to antagonize Severus, no prodding Harry to badger Draco to antagonize Severus. Please?"_

 _Her friend didn't look happy about it at all, but she nodded anyway._

 _x-x-x_

 _The War Memorial ball was dreadfully dull as always, especially now that Ginny and Dean weren't on the outs so she had no one to drink with. Draco had offered to stay and keep her company at the table, but she knew that would do nothing to help his budding relationship with Harry- despite the fact that Harry was like her brother, even now. This would be Harry and Draco's first public function as a couple; considering the Wizarding world's still somewhat archaic views on same-sex relationships, it would be hard enough on both of them to get through unscathed without Hermione in the way._

 _She hadn't seen Severus yet but she wasn't terribly surprised. She fully expected him to come sweeping in at the very last moment, effectively fulfilling Shacklebolt's command to attend while also giving the Ministry the finger—_

 _"We should go. Now."_

 _Hermione looked up as Draco all but dragged her from the table and made for the exit, "Draco, what's the matter? Did the reporters say something about you and Harry? Do you need to me to—"_

 _Ginny and Harry were flanking her in the next moment as well._

 _"Get her out, Draco," Ginny hissed behind Hermione's head, still just a little too loud._

 _Harry put his hand on the small of Hermione's back, "What do you say we get out of here and go catch something at the movies, 'Mione? Draco's never been."_

 _Hermione frowned, confused. Why on earth were her friends acting so strange? She turned to look at Draco but he physically pushed her face the other way. Annoyed with everyone strong-arming her without an explanation, Hermione cast a wandless, non-verbal_ Petrificus Totalus _before turning to look past Draco's wide, frozen eyes to see just what in the hells had everyone so panicked._

 _If there had been anything other than champagne in her stomach, she would have vomited all over the floor._

 _Severus was here…_

 _With a beautiful, auburn haired witch on his arm._

 _Who looked almost the spitting image of Lily Evans._

 _And was hanging all over him shamelessly, eyelashes fluttering and all._

 _In her distraction, the spell on her friends dissipated but none of them moved. They were all staring at her._

 _"Who is that?" Hermione asked, her voice hardly above a whisper. "Who is she?"_

 _Draco was the one to speak up, "She's just some friend of my mother's. My father and I never told her about you and Severus, so she thought it would help his public image…"_

 _At that moment, Severus gaze caught hers over Draco's shoulder for a brief second before he turned away. As if he didn't know her._

 _Her breathing started to come faster._

 _"Hermione…" Draco said softly, reaching for her arms._

 _She stumbled back out of his grasp, breaths coming in quicker, sharper._

 _Ginny touched her shoulders from behind, "Hermione, babe…"_

 _"This is why," Hermione gasped, wide, tear-filled eyes flickering between her friends in horror. "This is why he doesn't want me."_

 _Harry wrapped his arm around her shoulder though she didn't respond._

 _Draco grabbed her shoulders, "It's just to please Shacklebolt, to get the Ministry off his back."_

 _She shook her head, "I have to get out of here. I can't… I have to go."_

 _"Hermione, wait!" Draco called even as she ran. The sound of his expensive Italian leather shoes on the pavement was the last thing she heard before she Disapparated._

 _x-x-x_

 _He came through the Floo of her home at 2 in the morning._

 _"I swear to all the Gods, if I hadn't gotten so spoiled with purchasing such rare potions ingredients these last few years, I would have told Shacklebolt to shove that Order of Merlin right up his—" Severus frowned as he took in the tidy living room. "No friends tonight? I saw you all leave together and thought you'd all simply had enough of the Ministry's bullshit for one night."_

 _Hermione was sitting on her plush leather couch with an untouched glass of wine and an unopened book beside her. She looked up at him, the fire from the hearth playing across her dusky skin, "Who was she, Severus?"_

 _He seemed surprised at her question but smiled softly as he undid his cravat, "Just a friend of Narcissa's, sweet girl. Nothing more."_

 _"She looked almost exactly like_ her _."_

 _Severus shrugged as he sat beside her, "Purely coincidental, I assure you. I find myself much more inclined towards bushy-haired brunettes these days anyway."_

 _His words did nothing to ease her at all. She turned to look at him, "You shouldn't have been there with her."_

 _"If it's any consolation, Hermione... I would have much preferred to have been with you."_

 _"I offered," she said quietly._

 _Severus titled her chin up, "And the Prophet would have eaten you alive had I taken your offer. Can you imagine the things that would have been printed about you?"_

 _"I don't care. You shouldn't have been there with her."_

 _He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her jaw, "What's this now? Is my sweet girl…_ jealous _? How delightful."_

 _No. No, they needed to talk about this. They needed to discuss what that_ were _, how they were_ defined _, or else she was going to lose her fucking mind wondering. She needed more than this, more than just mind-blowing sex with him. She needed… she needed…_

 _Severus nibbled up the column of her neck until he reached her ear, gently tugging on the lobe the way he knew she loved._

 _"S-Severus," she breathed shakily. "We… we need to talk."_

 _"Mmmmm… do we?" He purred, slowly sliding down the zipper at the back of her deep indigo gown. "I was under the impression that we had more pressing matters to attend to."_

 _"Severus, please," Hermione all but groaned as he tugged her dress at the neckline, baring her chest to him. "It's important."_

 _"We can talk later…" He said, bending his head to nuzzle her breasts like an affectionate kitten. She gripped his hair in her fists. "Right now, tribute must be paid- for you certainly looked like a fucking goddess tonight."_

 _She was rapidly losing her concentration. His tongue swirled around her nipple. What was it she wanted to talk to him about again? His hands pushed open her thighs and he dipped his fingers into her satin knickers, slipping them across her dripping center until they were coated. There was something important that she needed to know, what was it? He strummed her clit like he'd been doing it all his life and she nearly passed out._

 _As he slowly slid into her, never breaking his mouth from his unless it was to tell her how beautiful she was, how bad he wanted her, what he wanted to do to her- Hermione decided that their discussion could wait until after this one last time._

 _But then, she would need some answers._

 _She was too in love to keep going on this way._

 _x-x-x_

 _When Hermione awoke in her bed, nearly three hours later, utterly sore and completely sated, he was gone; only a note left in his place._

 _'We'll talk later. –S'_

 _She was far too distracted by the fact that he left to realize how shaky and unsteady Severus' handwriting across the parchment was._


	8. After All This Time

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. owns Harry Potter. Same applies for every chapter.**

* * *

Hermione rarely got drunk.

Well, truth be told she actually drank more now that she was friends with Draco, but that was purely… no. That was actually to be expected. Still, she didn't typically get drunk, not like this.

But Ginny was heartbroken over Dean, again, and Hermione was… well, she was confused. Hurt. Angry. Ashamed.

Confused because she didn't know how to tell Severus what she felt.

Hurt because he'd promised her they would 'talk later' and that had been a week ago.

Angry because she didn't like feeling used.

Ashamed because none of that was enough to stop her from going after him again.

So, instead, she got plastered.

The club Ginny had dragged her to this time was, thankfully, a wizarding one and there were actually quite a lot of people they knew here. Luna was off dancing in a corner with a dreamy look in her eyes, Seamus Finnegan was grinding against one of the Patil twins— she was too drunk to know which considering Ron was there with the other twin, Neville was drinking at a low table with Hannah Abbott, and Draco had just showed up with Harry.

Hermione felt her drunk brain do a little happy dance. Her bestest friends in the whole wide world were here!

She stumbled over to the two boys, nearly spilling her drink when she tripped over her own shoes, "H-hey! You two!" Hermione practically shouted, causing Harry to wince and Draco to smirk. "D…" _Hiccup!_ "Dance wiff me!"

"Merlin, you're trashed," Draco chuckled. "Is there any chance of landing a three-way with you when you're this gone?"

Harry looked like a mortified tomato but Hermione took a deep gulp of her drink, "Abbbbbbbsolutely!" She slurred. "Long 's you dance wiff me first!"

Draco rolled his eyes at Harry before she started dragging him towards the dance floor, "Ah, but wouldn't Severus be rather upset about that?"

Hermione shrugged, though her shoulders seemed a bit more wobbly than usual, "Fuck 'im. Don't care."

"Really? And what brought this on?"

"Prrrratttttttt," Ginny interrupted in a very drunk, very off-key sing-song voice. "Severus Snape is a fucking prattttttttttt."

"A…" _Hiccup!_ "…men!"

"Help me, 'raco!" Ginny garbled, clinging to his sleeve. "Gotta find someone for 'Mione to shag t'night."

Draco frowned, gently but firmly taking the drinks from their hands, "Whoa, okay I think you both have had enough for the night."

Hermione nodded in agreement, though it was more of a neck flop than a nod, and Ginny just pouted.

He took both girls by the hand and led them to the table where Harry was sitting, fishing around in his pockets for the Sober-Up potions he'd brought with him. Both girls staunchly refused to drink them.

"You are both much too drunk to continue on without doing something you will regret in the morning," he snapped, uncorking the vials. "Now take the fucking potions or I will shove them down your throats."

They still refused, crossing their boneless arms like petulant children.

Draco managed to pry Ginny's mouth open while Harry held her arms and tipped the potion into her mouth. She looked like she was going to spit it on him for a moment before she finally, mercifully, swallowed.

"Ohhh, mother _fuck_ ," she groaned, dropping her head into her hands when she sobered. "Why the hell did I drink so much? Fucking _shit_."

"Thanks for the call, Draco. I appreciate it."

Ginny turned to see Dean with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Hey babe," he said softly. "Ready to go? Draco said you might need a Side-Along."

"You can fuck right off home, Dean Thomas," Ginny sniffed, turning away from him. "I'm going home with Hermione. She needs me tonight because _her_ clueless arsehole of a boyfriend—"

"Yes?"

They all turned to see Severus, dressed as ever in nothing but black trousers, white shirt, and black transfigured peacoat, standing directly behind the couch that housed the still plastered Hermione.

His brow lifted, "You were saying, Miss Weasley? Her clueless arsehole of a boyfriend… what?"

The redheaded witch stood and stalked over to him, "Oh no, you don't. You're not going to just swoop in and steal her away so you can shag her when she's drunk again. Haven't you hurt her enough?"

"Miss Weasley," his voice lowered dangerously and she had the good sense to back up a little. "I will have you know that we have never been together while either of us were under the influence of _anything_ , not that it's any of your fucking business. So please, have a little respect. You insult her when you assume such things."

"I- I'm not assuming anything!" She argued. "Hermione told me herself! She said every time, either one or both of you has been drunk!"

Draco snorted, "That's because the truth is a lot more complicated."

Severus smacked him in the back of the head.

Ginny rounded on the blond boy, "You _know_ about this? You knew they weren't drunk and you _just let her keep doing it_? What the fuck, Draco?"

He shrugged, "She's a big girl. She knows what she wants. Who am I to stop her just because they are both exceptionally blind?"

"Dracoooo…." Hermione whined, pawing at his arm and oblivious to the entire conversation happening around her. "My driiiiiiink…"

Draco gave his godfather an amused look before handing him the Sober-Up potion, "She's all yours."

Severus tugged lightly on Hermione's shoulder until she was slumped against the couch and he tipped her head back so she could see him. Her eyes, even glassy with the alcohol, softened when she saw him, "Hey you."

He smiled gently, "Hello, sweet girl. You're going to feel like death warmed over afterwards, but I think you should drink this."

"Mmmm…" She sighed, eyes closing. "Okay."

He carefully poured the potion into her mouth and waited a few moments until her eyes, now bright and clear, found him again.

"Severus," she breathed. "You're here."

His fingers traced her jaw, "Always, my sweet girl. I'll always be here."

"You were right," she wrinkled her nose. "My head feels like it was hit by a troll."

He was laughing as he kissed her, right there in front of the entire club that was packed with people who knew them. Hermione's hand twisted in his hair and he wrapped his fingers around her wrist.

"AHEM!" Draco cleared this throat far too dramatically. "If you two are finished making everyone ill?"

Hermione pulled back slightly to see that, though she was looking at him upside down, Severus was very clearly blushing, "Guess the cat's out of the bag, then."

"And which cat would that be, exactly?" Ginny demanded. "Because it seems like there might be a few."

Hermione threaded their fingers and though she was answering Ginny, she didn't look away from Severus, "Well, one would be that I'm madly in love with him."

He brushed his fingers across her face, expression soft, "And I, you, sweet girl."

"So much for the fucking rules!" Her friend shouted in exasperation.

Draco made obnoxious gagging noises before Harry punched his shoulder, "If you ruin this for her, I'm leaving you."

Luna came over to their little group, a dreamy smile on her face, "Hello, professor. Finally made Hermione admit it, I see. So when is the wedding to be held?"

Ginny guffawed, crossing her arms, "Are you kidding? It took her nine years just to get to _this_ point! At this rate, it'll be another nine before they get engaged and then another nine until the wedding ceremony and then nine more until any children. Christ, it's like watching snails!"

"Nine years?" Severus frowned, brow furrowed in concentration as he did the calculations. When he realized what that meant, he looked at Hermione in shock. "That long?"

Hermione shrugged a little sheepishly, "Well, you know, with the whole war and you being my teacher… I never exactly had the most opportune moment to say anything."

An almost blinding smile, one she had never seen before, broke across his face as he bent to kiss her again, "Nine years… Merlin woman, you are a fucking saint. I barely made it five."

Draco pulled Hermione from the couch, "Alright, that's enough you two. Now that all the misunderstandings have been cleared up and everyone is happy again, can we _please_ get the hell out of here before we catch some sort of disease? This place is disgusting."

"I'm afraid I must agree with Draco," Luna said airily as she bounced on her heels. "I believe I saw some of the spattergroit fungus milling about in the loo earlier."

x-x-x

The odd little group stood outside the club on the deserted street of Diagon Alley with only the light of the moon to illuminate their way.

Ginny and Dean, ever the pendulum (or wrecking ball, considering how you looked at it), had made up in the short distance from the couch to the door and were clinging to each other as if it were below zero outside, rather than a muggy summer evening. Draco had his arm around a sheepish looking Harry and Luna was busy staring up at the sky. Hermione and Severus were the only couple who looked even remotely normal—comparatively anyway—with Hermione's head lazily resting on his shoulder.

Severus pressed his lips to her hair, "It's getting rather late. Perhaps we should—"

"Don't even think about it, Uncle. You two aren't getting away that easily."

He raised a brow at his godson but Hermione was the one who answered, "Draco, what are you on about? We still have a lot of prep to do before the students come back and—"

"Excuse me," he interjected rather loudly. "But I seem to remember a time not long ago that you made plans with Harry and I, only to blow us off in order to fu—" When Severus growled and reached for his wand, Draco cleared his throat. "In order to _spend quality time_ with my dear Uncle. It only seems fair that you give us an evening we're owed now."

"Well what did you have in mind?"

"The movies!" Ginny piped in. "I've always wanted to go to the muggle cinema but never had a chance."

"Yes," Luna agreed, "I think that would be most entertaining."

Dean shrugged, "Sounds good to me."

Harry gave Hermione a shy smile from under Draco's arm, "I'd like to go as well."

In an uncharacteristic show of affection, Draco kissed Harry's temple, "We're going, then. You two coming or would you rather go home and shag each other senseless some more?"

Severus grinned, "Now that you mention it…"

Draco pretended to gag, "My mistake. Should have known."

Hermione looked up at Severus, the moon reflecting in her warm cinnamon eyes, "Well, they are your friends now, too. It's probably a good idea for you to get used to them."

Severus pressed a soft kiss to the tip of her nose, then her forehead before turning back to the group, "Where should we meet you?"

Ginny, ever prepared with her muggle mobile, found out that there was a movie they all agreed on playing in an hour so they all agreed to meet up at the theater after going home to change into more suitable clothes that wouldn't stand out so much in muggle London. Severus had Side-Along Apparated himself and Hermione back to his home in Cokeworth so he could change into some black trousers and a crisp white button-down before they took the Floo to her house.

Hermione had thrown on a plain gray t-shirt and jeans and was slipping into her most comfortable shoes when she came downstairs to see Severus appraising her things much more carefully than he usually did.

"Something amiss?" She asked lightly, waving her hand to undo the intricate design that Ginny had woven into her hair. "Or just browsing?"

Severus shrugged, "Just trying to determine where the best place for all of my bookshelves would be. You have quite a few more than I remembered."

She froze, one hand on her beaded bag, "What?"

He turned to her, eyes glinting with the reflection of the fire in the hearth, "Unless you find my home more suitable?"

"I…" Hermione cleared her throat, flushing. "I actually thought if we ever… we could choose one together. One that will be _ours_."

His eyes softened as he moved swiftly across the room to pull her into his arms, "We still have three weeks before the term begins," he murmured. "Plenty of time to go looking."

Hermione smiled, standing on her tiptoes so she could reach his lips, "I can't wait."

She had grabbed her beaded bag and was about to head for the back door that was just through the kitchen when Severus stopped her with his fingers around her wrist, "And Hermione?"

She turned her head to look at him.

Severus dark onyx eyes glittered in the dim light, "Ginevra was wrong. It won't take nine more years for us."

Her heart flipped over in her chest at the implication and she threw herself into his arms, claiming his mouth hungrily. He backed her against the counter and slid his hands beneath her shirt.

"Movie…" She panted as he plucked at nipples through her thin cotton bra. "Promised… Draco…"

"Fuck Draco," he growled, fingers tugging at the button on her ridiculously tight jeans.

"Rather... fuck _you_ …" Hermione gasped as her head fell back to knock against the wall cabinet there. "But he has… access to… wards..."

And just like that, there was a sharp _CRACK!_ as Draco appeared in the kitchen.

"Just as I thought," he drawled. "Uncle, can you _please_ keep it in your trousers long enough for us to see this movie? For the love of Merlin, you're going to have the rest of your life with her. This movie, on the other hand, is only here for another week."

Hermione couldn't help but laugh, "He has a point, Severus."

Severus growled something indistinct under his breath as he placed Hermione back on the floor and waved his hand over himself to straighten his clothes. After doing the same for Hermione, he held out his arm to her, "Fine; I can see when I'm being overruled."

"Thank you," Draco rolled his eyes. "Now let's _go._ We're nearly late."

With another deafening _CRACK!_ , he Disapparated.

"I know that you don't really like them," Hermione said quietly, "but I really appreciate the effort you're making for me, Severus."

He bent to kiss her once more, "Anything for you, my sweet girl. Now let's get this over with so I can have you all to myself for the rest of the evening."

She pressed her fingers to his lips to stop him, eyes boring into his, "We still have a lot to talk about, Severus. You know that, right?"

He nodded, pulling her hand from his mouth, "And we will. I promise. Just..." He rested his forehead against his, sighing. "Please try to be patient with me. I've never... done this before."

Hermione pulled him into a tight embrace, "We'll figure it out together." He turned his head to let out a deep sigh against her neck and she grinned. "You know Severus, wouldn't it be a shame if we didn't get a chance to see the entire movie?"

He pulled back, brow raised in curiosity.

Hermione held out a hand towards the stairs, " _Accio Skiving Snackbox!_ "

He was chuckling as she shoved the bright red box into her beaded bag, "They'll never fall for it, you know. Especially Miss Weasley."

Hermione's answering grin was wicked, "Who said they're for us? With a little transfiguration and a well-placed _Confundus_ on anyone else in the theater… we can have the entire place to ourselves."

Severus groaned, "Christ Almighty, witch, I fucking love you."

Hermione was still smirking when they Apparated to the theater and offered her waiting friends some very well transfigured candy.

They were trailing behind the group into the theater when Severus pulled her back a little so the others couldn't hear him, "Tonight, Hermione" he said quietly, his voice wavering ever so slightly. "We'll discuss everything tonight."

She gave him a soft smile and a peck on his sharp cheek, "Tonight, then. But first, we have very important plans with our friends. Candy?"

The tension dissipated from his expression and he chuckled, "Cheeky witch."


	9. Epilogue

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: J.K.R. is the sole owner of Harry Potter. No one else.**

 ***You guys asked for an epilogue where they talk. Here you go. :D***

* * *

 _-One year later-_

Hermione stared at the glossy rectangle in her hands, the beautiful auburn-haired witch laughing and smiling at the frayed, torn edge that went straight down the middle. Her heart twisted at the myriad of conflicting emotions roiling in her gut. One the one hand, it was nice to see her best friend's mother, happy and well. _Alive._ On the other, Severus… _her_ Severus… had been hiding this photo in their home the entire time.

How could something so small have such an impact? How could something so small threaten to destroy everything she knew?

She wanted to vomit.

"Hermione?" Severus called from the kitchen. "Do you have any preference for dinner? I was thinking Chinese takeaway but I can't make up mind."

When she didn't answer he tried again.

"Hermione? If you're ignoring me for a book again, I—" He let out a breathy chuckle from the doorway behind her. "Typical swot. I knew it."

Her fingers tightened around the photograph. Deep down, was _she_ what he wished for? Did he secretly still love her, only settling with Hermione because she was gone? The older woman just continued to smile radiantly at her, fiery hair fluttering about her perfect face against the autumn backdrop.

He sighed, "I am utterly convinced that if it wasn't for me, you'd forget to eat. Now would you please pull your nose out of that book and help me decide…"

"Why do you have this?"

Severus came forth to ruffle her curls affectionately, "Why do I have any book? Because I find the subject matter intriguing, you nosy girl. The study of time and space has often been one of my favorites and I've always found Hawking to be—" He reached down for the book and stopped dead when he saw the item in her hand. His words were like knives. "Where did you get that?"

Hermione looked up at him and could physically feel her heart breaking at the cold, icy fury in his eyes, "It fell out of your book. Why do you have it?"

He went to snatch the torn photo from her but she pulled back so he couldn't reach. His dark eyes narrowed dangerously, "Give it to me. _Now_."

"You told me you didn't love her. You told me it was in the past."

Severus yanked her arm up and wretched the photo from her grasp, " _This_ is none of your business. You shouldn't have been snooping through my things."

Hermione could almost see her world crumbling around her but was helpless to stop it. Her eyes welled with tears as her heart constricted painfully in her chest, "If you love me… then why are you hiding her picture in our house?"

His onyx eyes were hard and flinty as he growled, "She was my friend."

"I don't hide pictures of my friends."

"Hermione…"

"We talked about this. You… you said I had nothing to worry about. You said you had let her go."

"Hermione Granger, I'm warning you…"

She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the nausea that threatened to make an appearance. Tears splattered onto the open pages of Lily's hiding place, "You lied to me."

He didn't even deny it.

She had to pull herself together. After everything she and her friends had been through in their lives, this should be nothing. She should be able to handle _anything_ after facing down Voldemort, after being tortured by Bellatrix, after being cursed by Dolohov and petrified by the Basilisk. Hermione grabbed the book from the floor and stood, gently drying the tears from its pages with a wave of her hand before closing it and placing it back on the shelf. After a few deep, calming breaths, she turned to him.

"Do you still love her?"

Severus glared at her, a muscle ticking in his jaw from how tightly he was clenching his teeth.

"Well? Do you?"

It sounded as if the words were being forcefully pulled from between his teeth, "What do you want me to say?"

"I just want the truth. All of it, this time."

"I gave you the truth when we discussed this the first time."

"Did you?" Hermione pressed, hurt quickly turning to anger. "Because it sure as hell doesn't seem like it."

"You uppity, impertinent little—"

There was a sharp _CRACK!_ of Apparition from the porch, "HERMIIIIIONEEEEE! I do hope you're ready because after I just spent the last hour talking Harry out of ripped jeans and a stained jumper- in the middle of July, mind you- I am _no_ mood to dress you as well…" Draco came sauntering into the living room only to freeze at the sight of their standoff. "Should I come back later?"

"Yes—"

"No," Severus cut in sharply. "No need. I was just leaving."

"Leaving?" Hermione scoffed furiously. "You mean running away?"

He rounded on her, fire blazing in his eyes, "What exactly are you implying? That I'm _afraid_ of whatever bullshit you're going to accuse me of? Hardly."

She stepped forward, undeterred by the fury nearly rolling off of him in waves, "Is it an accusation if it's true?"

Barely half a snarl made it past his lips when Draco lunged between them, pushing them apart, "Whoa, whoa! What in all the hells is going on? What's gotten into you two?"

"Ask him," she snapped at Draco, tears stinging her eyes again. "Ask him why he's hiding a picture of Harry's mum in our house!"

Draco recoiled and his steel gray eyes were wide as he searched her face. When she couldn't hold back anymore and began to cry, he slowly turned to his godfather, "Uncle Sev… what the fuck? I thought—"

"You thought _what_?" He hissed, nearly spitting the words. "Tell me Draco, what did you _think_ you knew?"

The younger boy stepped back and slipped his arms around Hermione's shaking shoulders. She buried her face in his chest and Draco's expression hardened, "She told me you two talked about this."

Severus' face was just as stony, "We did."

Her friend scoffed as he rub slow circles on her back, "Apparently not enough though, huh? What the hell did I tell you back then? That if you weren't serious about her, _let her fucking go_ before you hurt her more!"

"Draco, please…" Hermione sniffed. "Don't."

"No," he pulled her in tighter, elegant brow furrowing in anger at the older wizard. "I knew this would happen! I knew you'd do some shit like this to her but I tried, I _tried_ to give you the benefit of the doubt because father did and you just…" Draco shook his head in disbelief. "Everything Hermione has given you and it still isn't enough. You still want what you can't have, even when something better is right in front of you. Did you ever even sell your house or are you still hanging onto it 'just in case'?"

Hermione looked up at Draco in confusion before turning to Severus, "What is he talking about?"

At the shocked look on his face, Draco continued, "Oh yes, I heard you telling my father about that. I heard you telling him how you weren't sure about Hermione so you—"

"ENOUGH!" Severus roared, face nearly purple. "You're taking all of that completely out of context!"

"Everything is _exactly_ the way I feared; you were only using Hermione for the sex! You never had any interest in something serious with her but you weren't going to let her go either. That's why you didn't tell her that you were still in love with Harry's mother but still bought a fucking house with her! Because you are a selfish, possessive bastard that, despite your tendency towards self-deprecation, still has a seriously over-inflated sense of entitlement. You wanted to have a claim on Hermione without her having the same for you. You have no problem taking what Hermione offers but give nothing in return!"

The wizards were nose to nose now- well, as close as they could be with Draco being a few inches shorter than Severus, anyway- chests heaving as they both palmed their wands.

"So let me make sure I have this right," Hermione cut in quietly from behind them. "You never sold your house, even when we bought this one, because you weren't sure about me…"

Severus sighed, "Hermione, no, I—"

"And you are still in love with Harry's mum, but content to settle for me because she's gone. Does that about sum it up?"

"Hermione—"

"You know," she pressed on, "ever since that night we went to the movies, since we had that talk, I felt like something wasn't right. There was always this tiny voice in the back of my mind that told me something was missing, but I was so in love with you that I just ignored it. I went against my better judgement and buried my head in the sand, hoping against hope that I was wrong. But I noticed how you would isolate yourself with your books on Halloween and how you always studiously avoided looking at anyone with dark red hair and how certain perfumes I would try would send you spiraling into anger. It was because all of those things, they had to do with _her_ , right? And you didn't want me to be associated with her in any way."

Severus looked like he wanted to be sick.

"Draco," Hermione's cinnamon gaze flickered to her friend. "Would you mind if I came to stay with you at the Manor for a while?"

The panic had settled on his face, "No, wait, Hermione you don't have to lea—"

The blond boy nodded, eyes soft, "Of course, Hermione. Mother will be delighted to have another woman in the house. Go on ahead, we can send a house elf back for your things."

She nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment as those bottomless onyx eyes caught hers and, with one quick swipe of her sleeve across her cheeks, Hermione turned on her heel and Disapparated.

Draco released his grip on his wand, voice low, "I hope you always remember the way you feel right now, the way you felt looking into the eyes of the woman who gave you everything only for you to fuck it up. I hope you never forget the way you hurt her and the way it felt to see her cry over you. Whatever piece of the past that you're holding onto- I really hope it was worth it. Because I don't intend to let Hermione make the same mistake twice."

His godfather looked down at him and the severity of his transgression was clear, almost painful in his onyx eyes.

"My parents adore her. Harry and I love her. Ginny would kill for her. That woman has plenty of people who would be willing to hex you within an inch of your life if it made that heartbroken look go away. Now, I am only going to tell you this once- _stay away from her_. If and when you finally get your shit together, then maybe you'll be allowed to speak to her again."

" _Allowed?_ " Severus scoffed. "You think you can keep her locked in the Manor like some prisoner until the term begins? You truly don't know her as well as you think you do, if you really believe she'll let that happen."

Draco stared at his godfather in disbelief, "You really have no idea, do you? You really don't know what you've done."

Suddenly, the older wizard looked unsure, "I… certainly if I apologize to her, if I just explain…"

He shook his head before moving to grab Hermione's bookmarked Arithmancy text, fuzzy red jumper, and favorite blanket from the sofa, "I've been friends with Hermione since we went back to finish our last year at Hogwarts and I can tell you, with a hundred percent certainty- I have never, _never_ seen that look on her face before. If she ever even looks in your direction again, it'll be far more than you deserve."

Draco Disapparated then, leaving Severus alone in the warm, comforting house that suddenly felt much, much too big. His fingers went lax as the situation really hit him and the torn photo drifted to the floor, Lily still smiling jubilantly at nothing as he crumpled against the carpet, sharp face buried in his hands.

x-x-x

 _3 days_

There was a soft knock on the door, "Hermione? Are you awake, love?"

Ginny came into the dark room, lit only by the sunlight that streamed past the heavy, open curtains. She frowned at the empty, rumpled bed but instantly felt her heart drop when she found her friend sitting at the luxurious vanity adorning the far wall. Only instead of her usually mass of bushy curls, there was a waterfall of silky auburn instead.

Hermione's face was stained with tears and smudged eyeliner, her voice soft, "Why am I never enough?"

Ginny's throat tightened and tears stung her eyes, wand waving quickly to dispel the glamour until her curls had returned. Once she looked like herself again, Ginny dropped her wand onto the carpet and wrapped her arms around her friend, "You are. Hermione, you _are_. He's just a fucking prat who doesn't deserve you. Don't you ever, ever think it was something you did."

"I gave him… everything," she choked, head dropping forward and fingers tightening around the edge of the vanity's glass top. "I thought…"

Her embrace tightened, "I know, babe. I know. I'm so sorry."

"I don't want to love him anymore, Gin," Hermione sobbed. "If it hurts like this, I don't want it."

Sometime later, Ginny ended up on the floor next to the vanity with Hermione asleep fitfully in her arms. The door across the room silently opened just enough for Draco to pop his head in, his steel gray eyes hardening when he found them.

Ginny just shook her head and Draco shut the door.

x-x-x

 _10 days_

"What about this one?"

Hermione couldn't help but chuckle at the ancient looking text, "Uhm… I think that might be a little advanced for my third year class, Harry. Maybe something a little less complicated?"

Harry seemed genuinely surprised as he adjusted his glasses to look closer at the book he'd chosen, "There's _less_ complicated levels of Arithmancy? Huh. Who knew?"

"Well yes, of course. Just like charms and transfiguration, you learn everything in increments, you know? Can't have first years trying to work out Arithmetic equations for weather patterns and other predictions when they have never even seen a simple one before."

"Right, right- that makes sense. What about this one—"

The familiar, comforting drawl of Draco's father came floating into the library just as the Floo sounded, "Ah, Severus. This is a surprise. What can I do for you this afternoon?"

Hermione's entire body froze as if she'd been petrified again, her warm eyes wide and already glassy with tears. Harry gently took the ancient book from her hand and replaced it on the shelf before taking her hand, "Come on, 'Mione. Maybe we should…"

"I've come to talk to her, Lucius. Where is she?"

Her fingers tightened around his and she shook her head wildly at Harry.

Lucius was concise, "She has no desire to see you, Severus. I must ask you respect that after what you put the poor girl through."

"You don't understand. I didn't have a chance to explain—"

"She doesn't need explanations, Severus. Right now, she needs time. Time to heal, time to think."

"But if I could just..."

The door squeaked open again, "You've done more than enough, don't you think?" Ginny's unmistakable voice snapped. "Just who the hell do you think you are? Do you have _any_ idea—"

"Miss Weasley…" Lucius began.

"No! No, he should know what he did!" There were a few heavy footsteps on the carpet. "When I was finally able to get away from the shop, do you know how I found her? Sitting in front of a mirror with a red glamour charm on her hair. And do you know what she said? She asked me why she was never enough!"

Hermione slumped against the bookshelf until she hit the floor, knees pulled up and face buried in her arms so she wouldn't have to see the shocked, pitying look on Harry's face.

"I…" Severus cleared his throat, his deep silky voice rougher than usual. "I'm sorry, I never meant—"

"You're sorry? You're _sorry_? After the way you broke her heart, you're _sorry_? I should hex you nine ways to Sunday you fucking bastard! In fact, where's my wand…"

Lucius snapped his fingers twice and the distinct _pop!_ of house elf Apparition sounded, "Yes, master? What can Dilly be doing for master today?"

"Dilly, please escort Miss Weasley back to her shop before she curses someone."

"Yes, master. Come along, Miss."

"Now wait one minute, I'm not finished with him—!" And then the _pop!_ sounded again as they Disapparated.

Harry knelt down, his hand on her shoulder, "'Mione, I had no idea…"

"Father?" Draco called from the hallway, voice growing closer and closer. "Have you seen Hermione and Harry in there? Last I knew, he was helping her search for a new textbook for…" Lucius sighed when he entered the room. "What the hell is _he_ doing here?"

"I…"

There was a shuffle of shoes and clothing, "Severus was just stopping by to ensure we were taking care of Hermione. I assured him she was well so he was just leaving."

The Floo came roaring to life for a moment before dying down again.

"Draco?" Harry called from the back of the library. "Lucius? Can one of you come help me?"

There was nothing but rapid footsteps on expensive carpet until they rounded the last stack. Draco darted forward, pulling the trembling ball that was Hermione into his arms, "Gods damn it all. She heard him?"

Harry nodded.

Lucius came to kneel in front of her, his aristocratic voice soft and soothing, "Miss Granger? Hermione? Are you alright?"

One of her hands came up to wrap themselves in her bushy hair.

"I'll take her back to her room," Draco said quietly. "Father, could you cast a Lightening charm for me?"

"No need," he leaned forward and lifted Hermione as easily as if she weighed nothing. She curled into his expensive robes, thankful that her wild hair hid her face.

"I knew they broke up but I didn't know it was because of my mum," Harry whispered behind them.

Hermione's fingers tightened around the fabric of Lucius' robes.

Draco elbowed him, hissing, "Not _now_."

"Oh, right. Sorry, 'Mione."

x-x-x

 _25 days_

Lucius tilted his head, "You are welcome here any time, Hermione."

"Absolutely, dear," Narcissa smiled widely, flashing her perfect teeth. "Come through the Floo anytime, day or night. And if Hogwarts ever gets to be too… _crowded_ , you are more than welcome to stay here as well. Draco and Harry will be in the East Wing for the foreseeable future so you would never be alone."

Hermione gave each of her surrogate parents a quick hug, "Thank you so much, both of you. You didn't have to… to let me stay, but I appreciate that you opened your home to me. It means more than you could ever know."

Narcissa brushed back a curled lock of hair that had fallen loose from Hermione's high bun, "Will you be alright, back there? With him so close?"

It took considerable effort to keep the tears from forming in her eyes, but she managed. She nodded with a tight smile, "The castle is a big place. My classroom is all the way on the top floor- I imagine avoiding him will be pretty easy except for mandatory meals in the Great Hall and the occasional Hogsmeade trip. I should be fine. But seriously, your concern is…" Hermione fought back the swell of emotion that she felt at remembering all Draco's parents had done for her; at remembering the times they wiped her tears and held her as if she were their daughter… as if she hadn't lost her parents. "It's greatly appreciated."

Lucius smiled, wrapping an arm around his wife's shoulders, "Then you'd better be off. Draco was quite adamant that since he had to work, it was our job to ensure you made it back to the castle at a decent time."

Hermione took the Floo powder, turning back to them one last time, "Thank you both so much. And you should know that you've raised an amazing son. I don't know where I'd be without him."

Even as the flames swallowed her up, she was fairly certain that she saw Lucius wiping at one of his eyes.

x-x-x

 _43 days_

The students had just arrived and an hour from now, the Sorting would begin. Hermione shook out her mane of curls and took a long look in the- thankfully- unenchanted mirror on the wall across from her bed.

She looked exactly the same as she always did.

Good. That was good.

It had been 43 days since… since. 43 days since. And other than the one time he appeared, unannounced in the Malfoy's library, she had not heard a peep from him. In the beginning, it had hurt. She had expected… well, she wasn't exactly sure what she'd expected, but she'd expected something other than silence. An apology, perhaps? Maybe a desperate explanation? Mmmm… somehow those things didn't fit him, anyway. After a few weeks, Hermione thought he might send her a letter or… or _something_. But he didn't.

There was just nothing.

Nothing except for the official Ministry parchment that had come in the mail, naming her the sole owner of the property they'd bought together.

Ooooh boy- that had been a rough day. But in the end, thanks to Lucius, Narcissa, Draco, Harry, and Ginny, she had made it through.

It had taken awhile, but eventually- somewhere around the 30-day mark- Hermione had decided that it was time to use a Permanent Sticking Charm on the pieces of her heart that she'd been simply holding together for weeks. They were adults, and adults broke up all the time. Not every relationship was meant for a fairytale ending, she knew that. Just look at Ginny and Dean, totally in love but broken up _again_. After much contemplation and, well, crying, Hermione eventually decided that it was probably for the best.

After all, sometimes it didn't matter how much you loved someone if they didn't love you back with the same intensity.

In the interim of being okay and being NOT okay, Draco had set up a few casual dinner dates for her, and though she resisted initially, he kept pushing- telling her that she needed to see what else was out there, lest she put _him_ on a pedestal and thus, find herself unable to move on.

Shockingly sage advice from someone who still had hippogriff's on his pajamas.

So she had gone on the dates and though none of them ended up being a match, she had to admit that they'd been fun and Draco had, again shockingly, been right.

Hermione came back to herself then, catching her reflection in the mirror again. She most certainly looked like herself, the same as she always did, and for once that actually made her happy. If there was one thing she'd learned over the past 43 days, it was that she shouldn't have to glamour herself for someone to love her. She may not be perfect- her lips were a little too wide, her hair far too bushy, and she had a stubborn 15 pounds that hovered around her thighs and stomach that just refused to budge no matter how much she dieted- but she was who she was.

None of those superficial things ever mattered to her anyway, and she'd be damned if they started to matter now.

Hermione ran her hands down her pencil skirt and silky crimson blouse a few times before leaving her chambers for the Great Hall.

x-x-x

 _61 days_

"Professor Granger?"

She looked up from the stack of parchment she was grading and smiled, "Hi, Matthias. What can I do for you?"

The third year boy shuffled his feet a little, "I was wondering if you could help me with some homework? Everyone knows how smart you are and I just thought…"

"Of course, I'd be more than happy to help. We haven't had a recent assignment in my class, so which class is it for?"

His cheeks pinked as he held out the parchment, "Well, it's for Potions. You see, I've tried asking Professor Snape but every time he tried to explain it, I just can't seem to understand. I thought maybe you could dumb it down for me?"

Hermione took the assignment from him, palms sweating a little at the familiar spiky writing that marred the page, "I doubt you need it dumbed down, Matthias. Let me see here…" She frowned as she read his constructive comments. Was he ever so kind in his eviscerations of their essays back in school? That thought was almost laughable; of course he hadn't been. "Well, it looks like you explained the basics of a Shrinking Solution but Professor Snape was right- you need to understand how each of the ingredients works and interacts with the others. Here," she scribbled something onto the bottom of the essay, "this book in the library should give you everything you need to explain each ingredient in detail. I used it more times that I can remember when I was taking Potions. Just remember to use this specific one, the others are outdated."

The boy read what she had written, a wide smile breaking across his face, "Of course; the _third_ edition! Thanks so much, Professor Granger. You are a life saver!"

"You are most welcome, Matthias. Now you better get to the library so you can turn that essay in again before Professor Snape changes his mind."

"I will. Thanks Professor Granger, you're the best!"

As soon as he was gone and she was alone again, Hermione cleared her throat and wiped her somewhat damp palms on her robes before turning back to her work.

x-x-x

 _62 days_

She was drawing up an intricate Arithmancy equation on her board with multicolored chalk for her seventh years when there was a knock her classroom door.

"Come in," Hermione called over her shoulder, not turning away from the circles and intersecting lines she was drawing. "I'll be with you in just a moment."

"Take your time," that silky, smooth baritone drawled from across the room.

It took literally everything she had not to freeze like a statue. Instead, she took a few small, calming breaths before resuming her drawing; though it did not escape her notice that the lines were far more wobbly now. When she was finished, she gently set down the handful of chalk, wiped her hands on the charmed cloth she kept nearby, and turned.

The sight of him, so stoic, so calm, was almost like being punched in the stomach.

Hermione went to sit at her desk, motioning for him to come forward, "No need to haunt my doorway, Professor. I said you could come in."

He came to stand in front of her desk, "I just wanted to thank you for helping young Mister McCarthy with his Potions homework. I fear my teaching methods may be a little too abrasive for him to adequately grasp the concepts at times. He said you directed him to a book that was incredibly helpful."

The corners of her lips twitched, "Yes, I gave him the name of the book I used to use so be prepared for extra-long essays in the near future."

"Why Miss Granger," the dark wizard's brows raised, "it's almost as if you did that on purpose."

She shrugged, biting the inside of her cheek, "Almost."

The silence settled, heavy and uncomfortable between them- the weight of everything that was unsaid almost crushing in its intensity. Hermione cleared her throat, suddenly feeling very jittery, "Well, if that's all I really do have a class to prepare for so…"

"No," he said quickly, his voice rough. "No, Hermione that's _not_ all. I… I've been trying to find a way to explain… but I, well I… I didn't want to seem like I was making excuses and I just… it took much longer than I expected but—"

The bell sounded, signaling the end of the student's previous classes.

"My seventh years will be here in just a few minutes," she said quietly, unable to look away from him.

The Potions professor nodded, "Right. Of course. Forgive my terrible timing. Could we… could we maybe go to dinner sometime?"

Hermione sighed, "Sev- ah, Professor Snape, I don't think…"

"Please," he cut in, onyx eyes wide and beseeching. "Please, just… there's a lot I need to answer for and it doesn't feel right to just leave things like this."

She chewed her lip for a moment, "Alright. How about this weekend?"

The students started to trickle in so he simply inclined his head, "This weekend it is. I'll see you then, Her- ahem, Professor Granger."

With an overly dramatic billow of his robes, he strode from the classroom.

x-x-x

 _66 days_

Thankfully, Severus had chosen a table at the back of the restaurant- not that it really mattered all that much considering how famous they both were in the Wizarding World- but it did afford them some semblance of privacy throughout dinner, which was nice.

Hermione had gone back and forth for the past four days about whether or not to cancel their dinner and simply continue on as they had been. That is, until she made an impromptu trip to Malfoy Manor to walk in on Draco and Harry, in a very naked, very compromising position in order to ask for their advice. Once Harry had gotten over his mortification and Draco had covered them both with a sheet (thank all the Gods for small favors), her blond friend smacked the back of her head with a pillow and told her that if his godfather was making the first move to reach out, that must mean that he finally had time to 'get his head unstuck from his arse'. Harry agreed, speculating that it couldn't hurt to have dinner seeing as Severus probably either wanted to end things once and for all or wanted to reconcile and apologize for hurting her. Hermione had asked Lucius and Narcissa their opinions later that evening as well and they had agreed with Draco and Harry. Now that Hermione was in a good place again, and by good place they meant 'not falling apart every time his name was mentioned', they didn't see the harm in hearing him out.

So, four days later, here they were.

He took a sip of his wine as the waiter cleared their plates from the table. Once they were alone again, he set down his glass and looked up at her, "Before I say anything else… Hermione, I am so sorry for hurting you. Whatever you think of me, you have to know that was never, _ever_ my intention."

Hermione took a large drink of her wine as well and nodded, "I know. But I do appreciate hearing it all the same, so thank you."

"I…" Severus fiddled with his napkin. "I know you all think that—"

Gods, she felt nauseous at going over all this again, "Why don't we just skip rehashing what everyone thinks and just get to why we came?"

He nodded, eyes still trained on the tablecloth, "Right. I just…" It took a few seconds before he could lift his gaze. "I miss you, Hermione."

Bad. This had been a bad, _bad_ , BAD idea. She could already feel her heart constricting in her chest. Fucking hell, and she had been making such good progress away from him. "You miss _me_ or you miss the constant shagging?"

Severus frowned, "Hermione, it was never like that. _Never_. When I said that I loved you, I meant it. I would never lie about something like that."

"But you lied about Lily. You lied about your house."

He let out a deep sigh, "There's no excuse for Lily. There just isn't. I knew I wanted you, that I wanted to be with you, but she was still always there in the back of my mind. Holding on to what I felt for her, instead of fully committing to you, felt… it felt safer. Draco was telling the truth- I did tell Lucius I was keeping my house in Cokeworth because I was unsure about you, but it wasn't _my_ feelings I was unsure of. I was unsure of _yours_."

Hermione was taken aback, "But why? I've always been completely forthright with how I felt about you. I always… I always told you how much I loved you."

For the first time in 66 days, she felt like she was seeing the truth. His expression was completely open and utterly vulnerable- no Occlumency shields, no hiding behind snark or anger- just _him_ , "Because it doesn't make sense for you to want me, Hermione. No one can make sense of it, not even your closest friends. Draco doesn't understand, Potter doesn't understand, Ginevra doesn't understand. I don't even think Lucius and Narcissa believe you chose correctly. I kept my house and I kept the photo because I needed to have something to fall back on when you inevitably realized what a mistake you made."

She reached across the table for his hands, "Why didn't you tell me all of this the first time? Why didn't you tell me you were worried about those things back when we discussed having a relationship?"

Severus scoffed softly, slipping his hands away from hers, "What difference would it have made? I'm sure I would've fucked it all up somehow anyway. That's why I never said anything the other times you wanted to talk about us- I just thought I could hide from it. I thought that was safer than facing the very real possibility of you realizing how insane it was for you to want me."

Hermione chewed her lip as she contemplated the things he said, "And what about now? It been two months since then. Have you… have you thought about all of this?"

"Of course I have. It's the only thing I've been thinking of each and every day," he leaned against the table, palm rubbing over his eyes. "Fuck, Hermione. The look on your face that day… I have nightmares about it. Can you ever forgive me?"

Tears welled in her eyes, "You really hurt me, Severus."

"I know."

"You… you signed away your rights to our house."

He looked up, surprised that that upset her, "Of course I did. I didn't want you to be relegated to depending on the Malfoy's forever. I wanted you to be able to live there or burn it down, whatever made you happy."

Hermione tucked some errant curls behind her ear, "You made me question my self-worth for a long time, you know. You made me feel like I would never be enough for anyone."

The pure agony in his eyes almost knocked the breath from her lungs. Severus took one of her hands in his and brushed his fingers along her cheek with the other, "Oh, sweet girl. I am truly the worst of the fools. You are worth more than all the gold in Gringotts. You are… you are…" He cupped her jaw. "You are _everything_. How could you ever believe you're not enough? I know that it doesn't make the pain go away, that it doesn't fix it, but I'm sorry. I'm _so sorry_ for ever making you feel that way. I'm sorry for lying to you and I'm sorry for being so wrapped up in my own insecurities and paranoia that I couldn't see what was right in front of me. I'm sorry that I couldn't trust you when you said you loved me. I'm sorry for fucking it all up so spectacularly."

She was openly crying now, "What does it say about me that I still love you even after the way you hurt me?"

A few tears slid down his sharp cheeks, glinting in the candlelight, "It says that you're an extraordinary woman with an almost unbelievable capacity for love. It says that you are just as brilliant and wonderful as I always knew you were. And it certainly says that you are far, far too good for the likes of me."

"Do you still love me?" Hermione asked quietly, searching his eyes for anything resembling a lie.

"I do and will always love you, Hermione. You should know that, if nothing else, I'm constant. The way I feel about you will never change, even if you never speak to me again after tonight. I'll always, always love you."

"And Lily? Do you still love her?"

He shook his head, "No. Though I'm ashamed to admit that it took losing you to realize that."

Hermione felt like she was standing on the edge of precipice and she could choose to fall either way. Should she let him go and try to move on, though potentially never feel this way for anyone again… or could she trust him just one more time and give their relationship another chance? She thought back to the mornings he surprised her with bacon and eggs in bed, back to when he made love to her as if she were made of glass, back to when he held her hair back so she could vomit during a bout of the flu, back to when he visited her parents graves with her, back to when he thought she was asleep and whispered how thankful he was to have her in his life…

She covered her face with her hands as the tears fell harder.

Severus came to kneel at her side, fingers wrapping around one of her wrists, "Talk to me, Hermione. Please. I can't stand to see you like this. _Please_."

Hermione threw her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder, "Do you have any idea how much I have missed you, you miserable fucking prat?"

His arms wound around her back, "I have a pretty good idea. It felt like you had taken a part of me when you left. Fuck, Hermione- I'm so fucking sorry. Just tell me what it'll take for you to forgive me. Tell me what you need. Tell me and I'll do it. Just please, please give us another chance."

"All I ask is that you _talk_ to me. Just tell me what's on your mind so we can handle it together. I'm not a damn Legilimens, you infuriating man. I can't read your mind so you have to _tell me_."

He chuckled against her curls, "Considering I'm hardly verbose at the best of times, I'll just have to teach you."

She managed a watery smile, "It's a date."

x-x-x

 _294 days_

Draco hopped up onto her desk, "Alright Hermione, spill it."

She looked up from the vanity, mascara brush halfway to her eye, "Spill what?"

His white-blond brows lifted as he eyed her tight black dress and almost daring cleavage, "Why you're tarting yourself up for the evening. I thought you were having dinner with Uncle Sev?"

A pretty blush spread across her cheeks, "I am."

"Then why…" Draco's steely eyes widened as a mischievous grin graced his perfect lips. "Ahhhh. I see. Carry on, then."

"What?" She shoved him off the vanity with her shoulder, sending him sprawling across the carpet. "There's nothing to see."

He chuckled from the floor, "By my count, you've been dating for around nine-ish months again and I seem to recall you telling me you wanted to, what was it? Oh yes, 'take it slow' with him this time. Does that mean tonight's the night for the _slooooow_ to end?"

Hermione slid the nude lipstick across her bottom lip, "Do I ask you questions about you and Harry's sex life, Draco?"

"No, but what would you like to know? He's a bottom, obviously. And I prefer it when he uses his hand in a counterclockwise motion while also—"

"GAHHHHHH!" She cringed, chucking one of her perfume bottles at him. "That's way more than I ever, ever needed- thanks! Holy hell, I need to bleach my brain now to get that image of sweet, darling Harry out of my head."

"You asked for it," Draco pinched her thigh. "But all jokes aside… are you sure you're ready?"

Hermione recapped the lipstick and adjusted a few of her curls, staunchly refusing to look at her friend as she admitted the truth, "It's taken a long time for me to feel like I could read him again. He's so different this time around. He's… much more open and free, less cagey. It was very disconcerting for a while, considering what he was like before, but I finally feel like I know him again. Before we… before we went _there_ again, I wanted to make sure it really felt real. Like he actually loves me."

Her friend, her _best_ friend really, came around to rest his chin on her head and meet her eyes through the mirror, "And does he?"

She nodded, a soft smile on her face, "Yes. He does."

"Then you have my blessing," he kissed her curls. "Go shag my godfather until neither of you can walk and then Floo me to tell me all about it."

Hermione rolled her eyes, even knowing she would probably end up doing exactly as he said, "Yes, Draco."

x-x-x

 _295 days_

Hermione was lightly dozing as he dragged the pads of his fingers up and down her spine, the sheets they had bought together all those months ago warm and soft on her bare skin. The moon was still high in the sky, casting pale beams of shimmering light onto the plush bed and illuminating their respective scars. She moved her arms underneath the pillow and burrowed her face a little deeper into it as she began to drift off into sleep.

"I love you, sweet girl," Severus whispered, lips ghosting across the notches of her spine. "More than you could ever possibly imagine."

His hands drifted below the sheets to pull her flush against his long, lean body. She felt fingers gently pushing her thighs apart and sliding between her folds to rub circles around her already needy nub. Her back arched against him.

"I love you, Hermione," he repeated quietly, slowly slipping into her dripping channel from behind while his hands kneaded her breasts just the way he knew she liked. "Thank you for everything you give me. Thank you for being _everything_ to me. _Thank you_."

"Severus…" She gasped at the tortuous movement of his hips. "Severus…"

He made slow, reverent love to her under the light of the moon- his dark onyx eyes greedily drinking in the sight of the gleaming silver ring on her finger… the one he'd given her at dinner, accompanied with a question.

One that she agreed to most enthusiastically.

Severus buried his face in her shoulder blade, thankful to all the Gods that they had made it this far and praying that he never fucked it up again.

* * *

 ***I have contemplated changing the epilogue to be more in line with certain points of some reviews but after thinking about it, I decided to keep it as I originally wrote it. I stand by this epilogue because in my mind, Severus was wrong. He** _was_ **hiding the photo because he** _was_ **holding on to his romantic feelings for Lily- Hermione did not expect him to pretend Lily never happened, she just expected his heart to have let her go. Severus admitted that he was in the wrong. I also stand by Hermione and Draco's reaction because Severus damned himself by his violent, clam-shell like reaction to her finding the photo. She asked him if he still loved Lily and all he said was "what do you expect me to say?". Come on guys. Of course Hermione was heartbroken. Of course Draco was pissed. Severus all but admitted it. Besides- his almost 20-year obsession was widely known. What was Hermione supposed to think? But thank you all for always keeping me on my toes. Love you guys.***


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